It'a him again

I miss him again. I had to do a homework on a personal relationship and all I would think of was the one I had with him. I have found that when I am with people I can forget. But it is the time in the morning when I know he would love the sunrise. Or something I read that I want to share. It is soo much worse since Friday. I always missed him, but now I notice it.

I remembered some of the fun things we did together like running down a mountain barefoot. We were both crazy. I miss not worrying about how I look, I knew that he wasn't attracted to my clothes, or hair, or makeup. He liked me for me. I don't see that often here. I see guys going after the pretty girls and girls making themselves pretty for that one guy they want to impress.

I guess that is why I never have used makeup or tried to change who I am. I want someone to choose me for who I am, not how I look. I know that I am ugly. I know that physically I am not a catch. So I am not going to try to be what I am not. My only hope at being pretty is not great makeup technique, but letting God make my heart beautiful and letting that shine through.

Any way, here is some of what I had to write for my homework:

We first met during the staff training week at camp. We were forced to learn each others names, otherwise we would have never talked. I had no interest in him at all. He was a shy backwoodsman with the clothes to match. He would hide in the corners of the room and never make eye contact. That was all the introduction we had. I was too busy trying to fit in with all the other staff to notice anything more about him.

Then came the first turning point. I had a hard time dealing with my boss in the kitchen. I had no one to talk to, and I was getting tired of holding it all in. so I looked around for someone I could talk to and not have it spread all over camp or change people perceptions of me. He was the answer. I didn't have an interest in him, and he was too shy to tell anyone what I told him. It was perfect. So I sought him out and tested him to make sure he wouldn't tell; and he proved true.

I continued to share things with him, still just treating him as a dumping ground. Yet, he would listen intently, he wouldn't try to solve the problem, and he would empathize with me. He learned to read me and would approach me before I had to come to him. He began sharing and I realized how much we had in common. When he started sharing, I started pursuing a deeper relationship. I could tell that he was willing to be honest and would be a great friend.

The relationship bloomed from there, I don't remember any other major changes or turning points until after I realized I was willing to change or even give up my dreams for him. I was willing to do the same for me, at least that was what came across. This feeling of being one person, of changing to fit this new person made of the two of us scared me. At that point I started pulling out.