I am more than I think

I have a wonderful praise today. Things that I needed are happening just so. When I got my test in chemistry back, I was very discouraged. I have never had so low a test grade. Once I went through my check to see why it was so low. I realized I had approached several of the problems the wrong way. Then the problems started.

Dr Hayes was still going over all question that most of the class got wrong when I started venting on my note paper. I was writing how stupid I am and the like on my notes. Most of which is not good to share. By the time class was over I had finished my letter. My last lines were a plea for help. I don;t like to feel lost and unloved. I know this is not true, but that doesn't change what I feel.

At the end of calculus, I wanted to just leave and cry but I stayed to listen to questions. I wanted to stay after Dr Henson left but I realized that she was not going to leave until I left. She talked to me about simple Calc can be. And I admitted that it was one of my easiest classes. It just all makes sense.

She then asked if I would consider working in the math center as a tutor next semester. I said I would and that it would be nice to know that I would have work then. I briefly explained my earlier job trouble but that now I have plenty of opportunities. She then asked if I was going anywhere soon and I was not. So she brought me to Dr. Moore and recommended me to tutor up through Calculus I. I was shocked, but a little more prepared because of FB. They had me fill out a application for the future and said they would be in contact. They also asked if I would be interested in a math major. I explained why I was taking the things I was, and that I had thought about it a lot. Although I did not say that this brought up the question of teaching. I still have to consider this again. I don't think I will change my mind, but it is worth the thought.

I am really thankful for this. If I am being asked to tutor again, I must not be stupid. And although I still need a hug and someone just to be there, I am noticed. I am good at something. I am OK. Now I just need to take some time to cry.