The song of encouragement.

Well I tried building a snow man to make think of other things, but it didn't work. Anyway...

while I was typing the last blog entry (I type them into word than put them online since I don't have Internet), I was really getting sad and restless. Then I remembered my radio was tuned into the local christian station. I turned it on just wondering what songs would be on. Usually I don't listen to it because there is so much static, but today I could get a clear signal. The song that was playing was one I recognized, but I couldn't figure out what song it was until the chorus started. It goes

I've seen dreams that move the mountains,

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling,

I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new,

That's what faith can do.

Even though it is heavier then I like, I needed the message. I knew it from our radio station in NY. I would listen to it on my way to work and back. I loved the message then too. But in this context.

I have many dreams, for little things like getting a 100 on a bio test, to being loved by someone and living for God as a missionary. I know that there are full mountain ranges in my way, but God gave me these big desires and He will accomplish them when the time comes. I goal right now is to learn to trust Him and put my hope in Him.

Many times with this issue I want to stop hoping. It hurts less to just admit defeat and lower my standards so that I can have someone to talk to. I could force myself to stay in a relationship right? But somehow hope comes back. I know there are no perfect people, but there has to be someone out there for me. And even after this last week when my world seemed to be upside down, I still had hope that someday I would have someone to hang upside down with me.

Miracles happen around me every day. I can see them, I just get in the habit of ignoring them. But for no apparent reason things start looking up for me. God knows when I am getting discouraged and will give me a reason to smile before I enter another rough spell. I know it is for my own good, but it is hard for me just to take it at times.

Silent prayers get answered... that really starts to strike home for me. When ever I think of the man from the last blog I pray for him. I want him to be happy. And even if I still love him, if someone else is better for him so be it. I would rather him have the best for him than feel like he has to do what I want. I also pray for his heart to be healed. I take full responsibility for braking it, and I wish he didn't have to live with my stupidity. I want him to no longer bear the scars I inflicted but to be made whole.

Broken hearts become brand new... that's what I’m praying for his heart. But more than that, it can apply to my heart. It can be made brand new. I don't have to bear the scars either. That is something that almost seems too good to be true. At times I wish I could not feel the pain of missing him. Of doing thing and meeting people that I know he would like.

And how does all this happen? Through faith that God has the best for us in mind and He will take care of me and take care of all the people I love, but especially the one I have hurt so badly.